Clues on the Path

Literally my path home…

Did I mention my dad was dying?  Lung cancer after many years of smoking…not a surprise by any means, but still surreal to experience.

I have spent a couple weeks with him since I quit my job, a luxury of time I would not have been able to take previously.  I am very glad to be able to have this time with him right now but the time with him and his wife is exhausting.  Don’t get me wrong…I love them to death but they are so freaking strange!

She has always been somewhat OCD about even the slightest thing.  Things must be done a very particular way, her way.  For years she ran the show and he went along for the ride.  Since retiring five years ago he has absorbed all her OCD eccentricity, but she still strictly runs the show.  There is a very long list of things she feels this grown man is absolutely incapable of doing on his own.  He wishes now she would allow him to be more of a partner, but he knows that is a battle he should have fought long ago.  Too late now.

My theory, based on my family, is that as people age, whatever idiocincracies they had in their earlier years will become exaggerated as they get older.  So true in the case of my dad and step mother.  They have morphed into one odd ball of worry, stress and paranoia.  I literally had to argue with him to take the morphine Hospice had provided him because he was afraid of becoming too dependent on it.

Although they can be a challenge to be with, I feel like they are providing me clues on my path, crumbs along the way.  I have to take this time to look at the patterns in my life…how ingrained is “busy-ness” in my life?  Too busy to hang out, go visit family, to take care of myself, go on vacation, to make sure my husband knows he is a true partner…too busy to do all those things I always wanted to do.

These clues reinforce for me the need to turnaround.  How about you?  What patterns do you need to look at?

2 thoughts on “Clues on the Path

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