Hold whatcha got…

Whenever I come to Bob’s aid to help him lift something heavy, he will often say, ” Hold whatcha got”, while he maneuvers around to get a better position on whatever heavy object we are attempting to extricate.  As I hold what I’ve got, I am the balance point.  I stabilize while he strategizes.  It’s always been a good teamwork strategy. Now its a good life strategy we are putting to use everyday.

We as a family are holding what we got with my dad; literally, physically, emotionally.  My step mom finally told me a couple days ago, its time to just sit and be with him.  Forget the fact that us three daughters have been telling her this for the past 6 weeks.  I would have preferred she had taken this advice back when he could still speak and move around, but I guess she was holding on to what she had, or at least used to have.  Now she is coming to terms with what it really is.  I know this is a huge step for her.  She needs to hold on to what she’s got right now and let the rest go.  The 1000 and 1 tasks on her reams of to do lists are nonsense at this point.  Her frantic activity will not slow the inevitable.  In the meantime we will hold what we got, for her – we will be her balance point, to the best of our ability.

We spent the morning soaking all the garden.  Weather Channel says it will be 104 here for the next three days, they are usually about five degrees lower than our thermometers.  We are bracing for +/- 110.  Hoping the plants can hold what they got!  Not sure we can be the balance point here, we’ll see.   Its a dry heat, right?!  Here is a glimpse of what is going on in the garden this week…

Now that the okra is 8-9′ tall, its even with the hummingbird feeders. Battling hummingbirds buzz my head, as many as 5 at a time, as I clip from the tops of the stalks. Who knew they were so territorial.
A couple of Bob’s favorites…
Okay, this is my husband’s Texan showing now…game camera pointed at our back fence. No sign of coyote or bobcat yet.  So far we only have pictures of his face on it…”Is this thing working?”.
Zinnias are usually my favorite summertime flower in the garden but this year the lisianthus are outrageous. We have them in pink, white and purple. The are 2-3′ tall and have 20-30 blooms each at any given time, just need to deadhead and they keep going!

Hoping that you all are holding what you got, for whatever challenges you and yours may be facing today.

Cancer, college and cat tails….the path we are on


Journaling has been a daily ritual for me for as long as I can remember but I have struggled to journal at all for the past few weeks.  With all that is going on I am trying to be in the moment for my family, but I find myself going to bed with a slightly frantic mind.  Truth is I need to write in order to process it all in a productive manner.  So here I am this morning, splaying the thoughts out there.

My dad continues his decline and my stepmother is fighting it every step of the way, avoiding getting help, avoiding the path they are helplessly on.  The air is full of desperately holding on instead of the comfort of lovingly being there.  To be fair, I am not sure how I would react if it were me instead.  Its easy to say from the outside, “Sit your ass down and hold his hand!” but I do that with uncertainty as to how I would handle the same situation.

Becca leaves for school in Colorado in 10 days…its going so fast.  So far I have been most worried about Emma’s reaction to her going but truth is we will all be affected.  My son texted me that he wants to take her somewhere before she leaves.  She needs no grand gestures, she just wants him to return a text message once in awhile, have dinner at the house with us, be real…sit his ass down and talk to her like a real person.

To add to the emotion, our cat was recently killed in our backyard by a bobcat, as far as we can tell from the evidence in our yard.  The cat and dog were truly inseparable pals.  Ever since the cat went missing she has been meticulously searching, sniffing and investigating the area each day.  While I was inside reading yesterday, our dog Isabel came and deposited something on the carpet next to me.  Emma asked, “Is that a hairball?”  No, not a hairball, but a cat tail, her buddy’s tail.  Her little eyes looked so sad as she stood over it, showing it to me.  So many emotion filled things taking place in our home right now.

The entire household is feeling it – the swirl of a cyclical shift where everything changes.   Its time.  I know I am ready.  We’ve been through times like this before.  I know we can take it, not sure they all know that we can.  I guess my job right now then is to sit my ass down and hold the hands of those around me as we follow the path we are on today.

Shining a light in the dark money closet: thoughts on wealth, worth and freedom.

I love her thoughts on so many things…she is doing a lot of the same reflecting I am, only doing it 20 years sooner than I have! Never too late for a turnaround though!

Truth and Cake

Wealth Worth Freedom. Photo by Sachin Khona.


What comes to mind when you read that word?

Freedom, constriction, envy, fear, love?

Do you have enough?

What is enough?

Money’s been on my mind lately. It comes up in my coaching sessions with clients A LOT. It’s in the air between friends. It lingers when the check comes after a fancy dinner. It’s the unspoken question when someone returns from an incredible trip somewhere.

“How did you get that? And how can I get some too?”

Money wasn’t something that was talked about in my family growing up. I didn’t know what anyone made. I knew when there wasn’t enough. And I knew when there was an abundance. And all along, it seemed like some mystical thing.

It seemed hard.

Most of the adults I knew didn’t seem to enjoy the work they did to earn this mystical, magical stuff. And the ones who did–well, I couldn’t…

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