If you knew me you would probably think that romance would be one of the last things in the world I would be blogging about. Trust me, I am surprised too. My blog is about a recent turnaround I made in my life. My focus here is to explore all the things I missed out on leading up to my turnaround, romance was most certainly collateral damage in the hectic life I was leading. I am making choices now, however, that allow me to put focus where I need to in my life.
Now don’t get me wrong; if I didn’t have my current husband, at my age I would be fine with or without romance in my world, wouldn’t give it much thought. My goal is definitely not to tell women you have to go get some romance in your life to be fulfilled. But the fact is, I have a husband who has stuck with me through thick and thin for more than 25 years. We have survived some hard fought battles in our day and have yet to kill each other. At this point in our lives, we deserve all the sweetness and goodness that comes from having a long term relationship like we do.
If I am here, if he is here, why not put in the effort to make each other feel special? I am choosing to intentionally seek a romantic relationship with my partner.
When I think about it though, I am not sure I even know what romance truly means to me.
According to Google, romance, as a noun, is “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love”, as a verb, “to court; woo.” After 25 years of marriage, could I possibly still feel any mystery? Lord only knows the last time my husband tried to court or woo me!
Merriam Webster defines romance as, “a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural”! What?!
I am going to ditch the definitions above if you don’t mind. I prefer Urban Dictionary’s interpretation;
True romance is doing something special or unexpected for someone you love, even though you don’t have to. Romance isn’t a greeting card, it isn’t Valentine’s Day, it isn’t a box of chocolates, and it certainly isn’t a dozen roses (unless you like that sort of thing). Real romance is not what modern society has been taught to think it is. Real romance isn’t manufactured. It is completely individual. Romance is for showing the person you love that you’re thinking about them. It shouldn’t feel forced. There are no limits to romance; it can be shown by a handwritten note, by going for a walk, or even by making someone a sandwich. Romance is something simple and sweet that reminds your partner why they fell in love with you in the first place.
A 20 something newlywed I recently spoke with didn’t really think romance was a part of her life at this point in time, saying “We are kind of boring. Our favorite thing to do is go for walks together, looking at houses and dreaming.”
She didn’t necessarily associate these things with romance…certainly no medieval tale of chivalric love in walking around the block!
She wasn’t attributing romantic value to the act of dreaming together. Looking forward to a shared future and daydreaming about it…its so full of hope, faith and commitment and truly romantic in the scheme of things.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, a 60 something friend had this to say, with no hesitation; “If there isn’t great sex involved, I have no need for a man at all.” A totally different life experience and view of what romance is for sure!
What is apparent to me in having these ongoing conversations is that everyone has a different idea of what romance is to them. As my preferred definition says, its completely individual. I hope that by spending the next 31 days with me you can take some of the thoughts or suggestions you find here and make them your own, infusing your own personality and creativity so that you and your loved one can build on the romance in your lives!
Your first task then, think about what romance is to you and your partner specifically. Talk about it…share what you think is and isn’t romantic. Are there things you guys are doing well right now? Things you could improve on? Whatever you do, start the conversation. No more making assumptions and being frustrated.
If you don’t think you have a partner that would be particularly receptive to this conversation, what are the things that are important to them? Sometimes we just need to take baby steps to identify what kindness and sweetness would look like in our relationship. These are the first steps of your intentional journey towards a more romance filled life!