In order to make any new goal come to fruition, you must take action, you can’t simply sit back and wait for it. Romance is no different, you have to make a plan and work it.
There have been many times in my life where hope and a prayer was the best I had in me….I couldn’t have formulated an actual plan to save my life. Those cycles in life happen to everyone and we do the best we can to get through them. I am thankful we have made it together long enough to come out the other side of many of those cycles and that we still care enough to actually come up with any kind of plan at all.
So, the plan – you can do this on your own or along with your partner. There have been times in my married life where I wasn’t necessarily as nice as I could be, hard to imagine, I know. But the realities of life took their toll at certain points in our marriage. Easy to pull back from romantic gestures and even simple kindnesses. Sometimes it was me, sometimes him, sometimes both of us stubbornly refusing to give anything, because truth be told, we didn’t have any thing to give.
I am in a place now where I am 100% willing to own my part in the situation if there is lack. I don’t mind stepping it up and taking that responsibility. My experience has been, anytime I have put a focus on more romantic gestures, he always notices and reciprocates. Please note, I am making an assumption that your partner is not a total jerk. There is no simple kindness ever going to cure a total jerk of his jerkiness. It goes back to knowing your partner. If its on you, step up and do your part. If you think they would be receptive to making a plan with you towards this common goal, do it together.
Here is an example of why planning is so critical to get the ball rolling. When I was in the midst for my craziest work schedule, I had Friday nights off. My kids were always engaged heavily in extracurricular school activities and seldom around on Fridays. My husband would let me sleep as long as I wanted, after working all night. Then as soon as I was up, we would head out for Date Day! It was official, written in stone, rain or shine. People were always surprised at our commitment and consistency to it. We would turn other invites down for date day, we protected it.
Then a funny thing happened when I quit my crazy job, freeing up my time…we could make date day, any day, but did we?! No! It is so easy to let one day run into the next knocking out the chores of life and before you know it months have passed. We are just now getting back to the official schedule.
So you need a plan. Don’t go crazy though. No need to fill it with tons of things. Just get started with something you will stick to. Put at least one or two things on your calendar and do them.
To make the best of this new plan, make sure you talk about it in a way that builds anticipation in your upcoming time together. When its over, talk about it the next day. How’d it go? Are you both desperately out of practice or did you actually have a great time? What can be done to make the next two things you put into the plan better than the first?
I also can’t stress enough, the benefits of letting your kids in on your schedule. While the kids may be somewhat disgusted at the thought of mom and dad having any kind of romantic adventures together, it is an awesome example to set for them. It will imprint on their minds in a positive way.
So what’s your plan?