As I have written these posts my own husband has been out of town on a fishing boat somewhere in Mexico. He came home night before last, exhausted, happy and still swaying back and forth with the motion of the boat he was no longer on.
He read through all that I posted and was pleasantly surprised about my topic. Having written about romance all week, I am ready to get this show on the road, work out our plan! So we have dinner, he drinks a beer and immediately passes out not he couch. I drag him off to bed finally and of course, he snores all night. He is not usually a snorer, but exhaustion has overtaken him.
Next day, he pulls out his clothes and gear from the week; a pile of fishy, sweaty, bloody clothes piled high in my bedroom floor, a sure sign of his fishing mastery! And before you know it, my week of quiet contemplation on romantic sweetness is caught up in the whirlwind that is my husband and family life.
Reality often has a way of hijacking our romantic notions. My husband is an awesome guy in so many ways, and so infuriating in others. I’m sure he would have the same kind of thing to say about me. But then, that is human nature…we are all human with our own funkiness that can spoil even the best of romantic intentions.
So how do we navigate without getting frustrated with one another and spoiling the mood? Romance is a simple sweetness, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, there can be more in terms of lusty amazingness as an end result, but I am leaving that up to ya’ll. I am talking at a core level, the simple sweetness has to be there. If you and your partner are able to demonstrate simple sweetness on a regular basis, it has a side effect of giving you both the grace needed to be human and still accepted. #relationshipgoals
I find that any relationship you are struggling with, a dose of simple kindness can do wonders. Could be with other family members, friends, coworkers. It may seem counterintuitive in some cases, because Lord only knows they may not deserve it, but often times it is the gesture that breaks down a wall that needed to go, to allow progress to be made.
Are you showing kindness to yourself, to your partner, to people you come across throughout your day? So much to think about before we even get a date night out of this deal! Being able to combine reality and romance is the best though. That is where connection and commitment take root, setting the stage for amazing things down the road.
So take a look at yourself…you know what you need to do today.
In order to make any new goal come to fruition, you must take action, you can’t simply sit back and wait for it. Romance is no different, you have to make a plan and work it.
There have been many times in my life where hope and a prayer was the best I had in me….I couldn’t have formulated an actual plan to save my life. Those cycles in life happen to everyone and we do the best we can to get through them. I am thankful we have made it together long enough to come out the other side of many of those cycles and that we still care enough to actually come up with any kind of plan at all.
So, the plan – you can do this on your own or along with your partner. There have been times in my married life where I wasn’t necessarily as nice as I could be, hard to imagine, I know. But the realities of life took their toll at certain points in our marriage. Easy to pull back from romantic gestures and even simple kindnesses. Sometimes it was me, sometimes him, sometimes both of us stubbornly refusing to give anything, because truth be told, we didn’t have any thing to give.
I am in a place now where I am 100% willing to own my part in the situation if there is lack. I don’t mind stepping it up and taking that responsibility. My experience has been, anytime I have put a focus on more romantic gestures, he always notices and reciprocates. Please note, I am making an assumption that your partner is not a total jerk. There is no simple kindness ever going to cure a total jerk of his jerkiness. It goes back to knowing your partner. If its on you, step up and do your part. If you think they would be receptive to making a plan with you towards this common goal, do it together.
Here is an example of why planning is so critical to get the ball rolling. When I was in the midst for my craziest work schedule, I had Friday nights off. My kids were always engaged heavily in extracurricular school activities and seldom around on Fridays. My husband would let me sleep as long as I wanted, after working all night. Then as soon as I was up, we would head out for Date Day! It was official, written in stone, rain or shine. People were always surprised at our commitment and consistency to it. We would turn other invites down for date day, we protected it.
Then a funny thing happened when I quit my crazy job, freeing up my time…we could make date day, any day, but did we?! No! It is so easy to let one day run into the next knocking out the chores of life and before you know it months have passed. We are just now getting back to the official schedule.
So you need a plan. Don’t go crazy though. No need to fill it with tons of things. Just get started with something you will stick to. Put at least one or two things on your calendar and do them.
To make the best of this new plan, make sure you talk about it in a way that builds anticipation in your upcoming time together. When its over, talk about it the next day. How’d it go? Are you both desperately out of practice or did you actually have a great time? What can be done to make the next two things you put into the plan better than the first?
I also can’t stress enough, the benefits of letting your kids in on your schedule. While the kids may be somewhat disgusted at the thought of mom and dad having any kind of romantic adventures together, it is an awesome example to set for them. It will imprint on their minds in a positive way.
I was at a conference recently and one morning, from the 5th floor I spotted a woman down below in the lobby in an awesome dress that caught my eye. Black and white geometrical pattern, short black sweater over the top…I loved it!
Once I was downstairs, getting some coffee, awaiting my next session to begin, who do I run into, but the woman in the cute dress! I compliment her, her shoes are super cute too. Unbeknownst to me, she is the speaker in my next session.
As I watched her for the next hour doing her thing, I began to think, I could totally rock that dress!
Now for many of you, this may not seem like any big earth shattering thought, but for me it was. You see, I have spent the last nine years working in warehouses, my last experience being with Amazon. Jeans, t-shirt, hair clip and off I’d go! I had professional business attire, but did not incorporate dresses into my wardrobe. We didn’t go out a lot on the weekends with the schedule I had, so it never really made sense for me to get a dress. I also felt too big to wear what I considered dainty clothes. I simply have not worn a dress in years! My husband and I were trying to figure out recently the last time I wore one…sometime near 2003!
I was so inspired by the thought that I could actually wear this dress, however, that I Googled the darn thing on the break and found it online at Nordstroms. I ordered it immediately! It makes me laugh thinking about it. I was almost embarrassed at ordering it. I was really embarrassed when it arrived…I snuck it off to my closet right away where I could hide it until I had a chance to try it on when no one else was around! It fits perfectly by the way!
Why after all this time would I feel so compelled to order this dress? I spoke in a previous post about things my husband has done for me, especially in my jeans and t-shirt days, that I considered sweet and thoughtful, romantic if you will.
Well, that man has always loved me in a dress, he reminds me of this regularly; each time, of course, I roll my eyes and scoff at the suggestion.
Ordering this dress is my romantic gesture to him. I may be out of my comfort zone, but he will love it…he will appreciate the thought. I might find I actually might like wearing it!
He is gone this week on a fishing trip but we have date night planned when he comes back. Will see if I am brave enough to bust out the dress!