31 Days of Romance – Day 5

We have covered the following steps so far in your efforts to attract more romance into your life:

  • Talk to you partner about what romance means to you both
  • Understand who you are and how you feel about yourself at this point in time, why do you want/need romance in your life right now?
  • Understand who your partner truly is
  • Put a plan into place that you agree upon and can look forward to

People…thats all their is to it.  Treat each of those four bullet points with gentle sweetness.  Be intentional in your actions.  Thats it.  Are you disappointed there aren’t 31 detailed steps to get you there?  Reality is this is all you need.  It simple!  Don’t overthink it!

fall leaves

I did want to share something with you though.  The constant theme I heard from almost every woman I spoke with; romance is found in the simple things.  My dear friend Pat, in the 60 something realm, had these thoughts on the topic:

“I know I have changed, for in my youth my thoughts of romance were very typical in that I thought if he bought me flowers for my birthday it was romantic. It’s nice and I would always be thankful, but now I think that is easy or typical. Plus its only once a year!

Through Facebook or reading about successful couples (long lasting relationships), what I see and like are those couples who truly care for each other and show it in small ways everyday. It’s simple things.  I saw one couple where the gentleman had dinner waiting for his lady when she got home at 10PM after she worked a 12-hour shift.  He made her a dinner from scratch!  This guy is a plumber, no chef.  So sweet and just shows how much he cares. In turn I’ve seen her, pack a lunch and had his coffee ready when he had to go to work at 5:00 in morning.

I think its romantic when that person just wants to make your day better in some small way. They are truly listening and and it brings them true joy to ensure your happiness, as you do for them.

Have I experienced this, sadly no. I have not dated at all since being divorced, I guess I just really wanted the time for ME.  Plus I really wanted to figure out what I wanted and not make the same mistakes.

Sometimes I think about sharing my life again with someone, however if I do I will not settle just to have a companion.  I know I will want that simple romance.”

Did you all hear what she said there?  Oprah would call this a tweetable moment, #willnotsettle!

She has intuitively followed the steps outlined above.  If a partner does come along, she knows who she is, she knows what she needs in order to be happy and will not settle for the sake of companionship!  Such a powerful place to be.

I have to say, not settling doesn’t apply just to romantic partners, but people in general in our lives.  With age comes the wisdom to know the difference between the ones that fill us up and the ones we can do without.

Thanks for the wisdom Miss Pat!

31 Days of Romance – Day 4

In order to make any new goal come to fruition, you must take action, you can’t simply sit back and wait for it.  Romance is no different, you have to make a plan and work it.

Romance Day 4

There have been many times in my life where hope and a prayer was the best I had in me….I couldn’t have formulated an actual plan to save my life.  Those cycles in life happen to everyone and we do the best we can to get through them.  I am thankful we have made it together long enough to come out the other side of many of those cycles and that we still care enough to actually come up with any kind of plan at all.

So, the plan – you can do this on your own or along with your partner.  There have been times in my married life where I wasn’t necessarily as nice as I could be, hard to imagine, I know. But the realities of life took their toll at certain points in our marriage.  Easy to pull back from romantic gestures and even simple kindnesses.  Sometimes it was me, sometimes him, sometimes both of us stubbornly refusing to give anything, because truth be told, we didn’t have any thing to give.

I am in a place now where I am 100% willing to own my part in the situation if there is lack.  I don’t mind stepping it up and taking that responsibility.  My experience has been, anytime I have put a focus on more romantic gestures, he always notices and reciprocates.  Please note, I am making an assumption that your partner is not a total jerk.  There is no simple kindness ever going to cure a total jerk of his jerkiness.  It goes back to knowing your partner.  If its on you, step up and do your part.  If you think they would be receptive to making a plan with you towards this common goal, do it together.

Here is an example of why planning is so critical to get the ball rolling.  When I was in the midst for my craziest work schedule, I had Friday nights off.  My kids were always engaged heavily in extracurricular school activities and seldom around on Fridays.  My husband would let me sleep as long as I wanted, after working all night.  Then as soon as I was up, we would head out for Date Day!  It was official, written in stone, rain or shine.  People were always surprised at our commitment and consistency to it.  We would turn other invites down for date day, we protected it.

Then a funny thing happened when I quit my crazy job, freeing up my time…we could make date day, any day, but did we?!  No!  It is so easy to let one day run into the next knocking out the chores of life and before you know it months have passed.  We are just now getting back to the official schedule.

So you need a plan.  Don’t go crazy though.  No need to fill it with tons of things.  Just get started with something you will stick to.  Put at least one or two things on your calendar and do them.

To make the best of this new plan, make sure you talk about it in a way that builds anticipation in your upcoming time together.  When its over, talk about it the next day.  How’d it go?  Are you both desperately out of practice or did you actually have a great time?  What can be done to make the next two things you put into the plan better than the first?

I also can’t stress enough, the benefits of letting your kids in on your schedule.  While the kids may be somewhat disgusted at the thought of mom and dad having any kind of romantic adventures together, it is an awesome example to set for them.  It will imprint on their minds in a positive way.

So what’s your plan?

Before I Die…

Last year I heard a great Ted talk by Candy Chang about her Before I Die project.  I loved her premise of wanting to create thought provoking art that makes us want to rethink how we go out into the world each day.IMG_0747

I was very excited when I was randomly driving through Louisville, Ky and spotted this wall.  I made the people I was with stop immediately and add some thoughts to the wall.  When you stand there, it can be overwhelming all the possibilities you could put up there.  You can be serious, silly, naughty, reflective.  This one didn’t have too much on it.  If you look closely someone wrote skinny dip…seriously?!  Thats what you’re waiting to do?!  Knock that out sister, there is so much more out there to embark on!  The one thing I found in putting it on that wall, I now am intentionally committed to making that thing happen in my life.  I wrote it down, put it out in the universe.  Intentional.  For me, before I die, I want my children to know the depth of my love for them.

Have you ever seen or written on one of these walls?  Would love to see your picture!